laughter

call me Isaac
my belly aches
with joyful laughter
you blasted sunshine
through my windows today
evaporating rain
drying up gloom
silencing questions
and I laugh
at your goodness

my happy shameless daddy
assembling a new toy
in the predawn dark
waiting for me to wake up
and come running
chuckling, beaming
anticipating my joy
no matter how old I get
I am always a child
with you
eyes wide discs of delight

you give the best gifts
and I laugh
so weightlessly
at such a great
joyous
spilling over
life giving
celebrating
surrounding
love

July 06

consumption

it started
as a tickle—
slight scratch in the throat
urge to swallow
over and over
gathered substance
gave way
to a raspy cough
building strength
and sapping mine
drawing from deeper in
rattling force
shake my frame
cracking ribs
now constant tremor
shakes chills spasms
slow death
of self-imposed
destruction
disintegration

eyes always ready
searching scanning
a million bar codes
and counting
taking in
great heaps of stuff
piles of goods
shiny new gleam
factory fresh
taut with plastic wrap
visa still warm
from the vendor’s swipe
and back for more
leafing through
the neighbors’ bins
got it got it need it want it
borrowing
hoarding
cough cough cough
cough up to keep up
swallow and cough
monthly minimum
finance charge
rattle shake cough spit
fever coming
never left
buy a new blanket
latest microfiber
wrap up tight
get back out there
consume

older now
live with illness
sometimes subsides
smile as I cough
shake my head
as my torso shakes me
at a lifetime
spent
utterly
gathering
until I am gathered
rabidly consuming
until the consumption
claims me
final bill coming
settle the account

July 06

lot

I cannot choose
where the words will take me
so I dip my cup
tremulously
in the dark waters
and taste what it has for me
all darkness must be conquered

March 06

martha

build a legacy:
scatter wide seeds of kindness
willful acts of love

July 06

limp

rebel heart
questions each rule
argues each clause
appeals every penalty
demands equity:
explain yourself, judge

no vexation
without representation

give me the why
show me where
You are
and I, in your image
bristle
at the puzzles of your hand

remove my shoes
and spit on the holy ground
teeming with sacred worth
that dirt and spittle
a balm for the blind

truth is not profane

now for housecleaning
a clean sweep
all the old gods must go:
the arbitrary
the ruler by fiat
the angry scorekeeper
the impatient curmudgeon
the benevolent grandfather
the weakling hairsprayed one, too

only room in this life for one
this life that confounds
infuriates
overjoys
surprises
unsettles
energizes
and knocks the holy breath from me

I can accept a God
that lets me wrestle Him—
but does not let me win
or have to make me lose

I will worship
and live for that
and limp gladly

July 06