muffinhead

waking
hit the floor running
unbridled joy
widemouth laughter
begging to be tickled
again again
laugh until the hiccups come

sleeping
through the sounds
of the attic swinging open
the basketball dribbling outside
or Mommy tiptoeing in
to assemble tomorrow’s outfit
and watch you sleep

the strange holy stillness
of your darkened room
now starkly quiet
your tiny temple to Life
succumbed to the cycle of rest
your small but strong muscles
coiling to spring again with life
from the first consciousness of morning

asleep or awake
you live fully
in every moment
wringing every drop
of emotion
from your bustling frame
purposefully
as if your life depended on it
glee despair wonder anger
the flavors of joy
churning, jostling
spilling from your cup:
to behold you
is to be immersed
in that wonderful
overwhelming
lifegiving
pool of you

sometimes
it is clear
we are no more raising you
than we are making our hearts beat
we just get to be here
and marvel
at what God made
and that we have a part to play

so many phases
we forget the one before last—
waking up in the night
too-real nightmares
(then faking them for hugs)
potty mishaps
talking back
swinging fists
kicking feet
I DON’T WANT TO
fall on the floor fits
yellow lights red lights
notes from school
hide and seek
lost kitty
each phase
earnestly pursued
and dropped for others

we never foresaw
that the smallest of plots
would weave into every scene
we never guessed
that a preschool progress report
would read like a pass/fail
for our success as parents
we never dreamed
that the spin
of our entire world
could so easily
so quickly
be smoothed
and jarred
and smoothed again
by the tiny hands
of a little girl
that the balance of power
to manage our moods
to direct our days
to make us smile, sigh, rage and cry
and leave it all in loving laughter
lies in the negligible geography
between the smile and frown
of our muffinhead
our precious daily gift
of perspective
our reminder
of our own childish rants
and our unwitting
expressions of praise
both of which
our Father accepts

January 2007