tests

his world
spinning and speeding along
in its usual course
was abruptly halted
as if snatched from orbit
by some unseen hand
he hurtled onward
propelled by inertia
and, looking back,
quickly surveyed
what he’d miss
and wondered
if he’d survive the landing

instant perspective
massive tectonic shift
cost benefit analyses
no time for self-pity
no time for being pummeled
by existential queries
beyond simply existing
no time
—there never was—
and he knew it all along

quickly
expensively
a dazzling series of tests
produced a prognosis
better than some
grimmer than most
shaping his vocabulary
forcing him
to come to terms
he’d never planned to learn
let alone master

the plan:
postpone the inevitable
through a principled discipline
of poison
the plan:
be strong
about getting sick
to be strong again
the plan:
buy some time
with a pound of flesh
praying he could afford it

everything to lose
everything to gain
bet the house
all in
lie down
expose the chest
open the port
insert the poison
and wait
let death run
its brutal course
and be selective
in its fury
sparing his life
in the process

May 2008